


Scars

by WinterSorceress



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-28
Updated: 2015-12-28
Packaged: 2018-05-09 21:31:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5556119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WinterSorceress/pseuds/WinterSorceress
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She has been making great strides lately, it seems. But she can't make it alone, and one of the Crystal Gem's newest members is just the gem to help. After all, love is a driving force in many ways. It can chain you down, but also propel you towards the horizon.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Scars

**Author's Note:**

> This was a Christmas present for my friend [celestialalignment](http://celestialalignment.tumblr.com/). She wanted either a fluffy Pearlapis fic about how they realize their feelings for each other or some good old fashion angst that dealt with Pearl’s leftover feelings for Rose. I tried to put a little of both.
> 
> Playlists used: [X](http://8tracks.com/immatayrodactyl/the-moon-and-the-ocean)/X

The past couple of months had been filled to the brim with surprises, almost more than she could count. First of them was the fact that she had made peace with the Crystal Gems; Steven was one thing, but it had become obvious, as they risked great danger for her well-being, that the rest of his comrades were just as trustworthy. The second was how content she had found herself among them; freedom, personal and otherwise, was rampant here, and the bond between its members vital. The most surprising ordeal, however, was more of a person than a reason, a gem.

            The pearl...

            Lapis Lazuli observed her quietly, as she tidied up Steven’s strange human dwelling with a cheerfulness that virtually lit up the room. Her contagious mood complimented the peaceful, almost sleepy, atmosphere the temple emitted so late at night. It was times like this that she couldn’t help but feel at home, in more ways than one.

            The water gem herself was lounging on the pale couch, resting her chin on her hands atop a drawn-up knee. Without a mission or any other pressing matters, she simply stayed there, watching as Pearl worked with an admirable precision, hardly able to pull her eyes away. She was too fascinating, a living piece of art, and completely oblivious to her own brilliance.

            “You know, if you take a picture, it’ll last longer...”

            Amethyst’s sly remark startled her from her daydreaming and left her with a face full of color. “Eh? W-what? I wasn’t...” she stammered, maintaining an automatic whisper to avoid being caught by her unsuspecting object of affection.

            She received a knowing smirk from across the way. “ _Sure_ you weren’t,” the purple gem retorted with a good slice of sarcasm, rolling her eyes from where she laid on the opposite side of the couch. “Watching Pearlly do chores is just _so_ fascinating, am I right?”

            Suddenly, Lapis realized she had been nowhere near as discreet as she had hoped; that, or the quartz was surprisingly keen when it came to reading others. Whatever the reason was, she cursed it, or rather the dent in her pride it made, as she recoiled further into herself, almost sulking. How embarrassing, being caught staring like an infatuated fool.

            “Hey, don’t be like that. I was just teasing. Pearl and I may have our spats, but I’ll be one of the first to admit...she’s actually pretty amazing; I don’t blame you for...you know, having the hots for he—“

            Abashed by her wording, the water gem threw caution to the wind in offense. “Excuse me!” she yelped in her direction, cheeks burning a dark blue.

Though, as scandalous as it sounded, she wasn’t wrong.

            “Amethyst!”

            A certain voice cut into their conversation, reminding Lapis that the subject of their ‘discussion’ had been well within earshot. Wishing she had bitten her tongue, she stiffened, alarmed, as she watched Pearl march towards them, broom still in hand. Despite the very minute possibility she had heard much of anything, it was more than enough for dread to steal the words from her mouth, her mind racing in panic.

            To her relief, Pearl instead rounded on her purple comrade. “I sure hope you’re not offending Miss Lapis with your rudeness!” she chided, virtually leering down at her, slender arms crossed sternly. “After all she’s been through, you could at least be a bit more courteous towards her.”

            Even when the whole of the blame was placed upon her, Amethyst remained easy-going, almost nonchalant, as if this was an everyday ordeal she had grown all too accustomed to. “Easy, P. It was just some friendly teasing,” she explained, ever the picture of relaxation with her silver head cushioned by the linked hands beneath it. “Though, I think you missed a spot. I would’ve expected better from you after all this time.”

            Pearl fumed briefly, her alabaster fists balled, clenching, in her fleeting fury, before she whirled away with an insulted, “Humph!” and prepared to resume her chores. However, she paused once she passed her, the exasperation in her expression evaporating, giving way for sincere concern as she regarded her with softer eyes. “Are...you sure you’re alright, dear? You look...pale...I suppose you could say.”

            Being addressed directly was one of the last possibilities the water gem was prepared for. Accordingly, she was left scrambling to answer without utterly blowing ether her cover or, worse yet, her dignity. Though, as much as the way that turquoise gaze beheld her assured her she would never think less of her, it also stunned her all the more with its intensity.

            She was amazing, in all her little ways.

            “O-oh...I am,” Lapis managed despite her nerves. She could not, however, fight how she unconsciously flushed or spoke with a slightly higher pitch, a bashful hand to her cheek, no matter the causality she attempted to emit. “D-don’t worry about me.”

            The degree of her success was questionable, for Pearl frowned with mild concern and tilted her head an inch, obviously a tad puzzled by her unusual demeanor, “Well...if you insist. I’m here if you need anything,” but left it at that regardless, hesitantly wandering back to the kitchen.

            Feeling as though she had just narrowly escaped a disaster, Lapis relaxed, releasing a silent sigh of relief. That certainly had been far too close. At the same time, she wondered just what she was so afraid of. Her feelings placed her on an automatic defensive with no threat to speak of, but it was something she couldn’t ignore.

            “...What’s wrong with me?” she wondered to herself, half slumping back against the couch, a weary hand to her forehead.

            “It’s called love, dude. I thought you would at least know that much...” Amethyst commented. “And it’s obvious to me that you’ve got it _bad_. Lucky you.”

            Lapis gave a wistful sigh. She couldn’t exactly blame her for speaking the truth. Once a gem who filled her with rage, as did the vast majority of the rebels, Pearl had slowly crept her way to the forefront of her mind. Perhaps it was her kindness or the exact, almost formal way she spoke, or the elegant quality of every move she made, but no matter the specific qualities that drew her, she now loved _all_ of her.

            “Yeah, lucky me,” she agreed wryly, leaning forward once more to rest her chin in her hands. Daring to daydream, the blue gem gazed after the pearl, dwelling on what could possibly be. “But what can I do? She’s just...enchanting.”

            To her surprise, her question appeared to earn Amethyst’s full interest. “You’re asking the right gem, sister,” she declared, sitting up in one smooth movement, as if she had been waiting for her inquiry for the longest time, a matter-of-factly digit lifted towards the ceiling. “If anyone knows P’s love life, it’s yours truly. First and foremost, she is a surprising hopeless romantic; wooing her might be easier than it looks, especially if you’re sincere about this whole ‘love’ business. However...”

            Despite the optimistic outlook, Lapis Lazuli had a sinking feeling about the catch. “However? However what?” she urged anxiously, posture straightening in alarm.

            Just then, Pearl paused her work, abruptly and seemingly without cause. Fearing once again that she had overheard them, Lapis caught her breath and froze. Amethyst, on the other hand, was far from worried, and for good reason. It was not them that had garnered the attention of the pale gem, for, instead, she glanced back to regard the space above the front door, where Rose Quartz’s portrait hung like a silent guardian. Her gaze was wistful, filled with longing and old pain for the few moments she stared on, before she pulled it away to distract herself once more.

            “That...” Amethyst drawled, unsmiling, in a volume lower than before to avoid detection, her purple hands gathered in her lap. “She had a long history with Rose, I can tell you that much. Loyalty, sacrifice, unrequited love, until she finally lost her when Steven came to be. But, in the end, it was all for the best, you know? It left us all with scars, like loss often does, but Pearl...she took it hardest. She still does.”

            Hearing of Pearl’s late love interest brought clarity for her suitor, but also cast a solemn cloud. Her eagerness quickly drained away to be replaced with a grim pity, triggering an ache in her ageless heart. She had known the pearl had been close to the Crystal Gem leader, but never imagined how much she had truly felt for her. And those feelings, so strong and pure, had never been returned before she had lost her completely.

            She must have been heartbroken.

            “...I’ll be honest with you, Lazuli. It’s time...time for her to move on, but...she can’t do it by herself,” the silver-haired gem continued, staring at the span of couch before her. She then fixed her eyes on her, unwavering and deep. “G and I have done what we can. She’s getting there, but she needs something more. Maybe...you can be that something, that someone.”

            This was bigger than her simple attraction, and thrice as important.

            “I understand...”

            “Well, whose human death ceremony is it over _here_?” Pearl’s sudden presence startled both gems and they practically started a few inches off the couch.

            “W-wha?” Amethyst stammered, only the hands she had thrust behind her keeping her from falling in her fright. “O-oh...No one, P! No one died, I promise. W-we were just...chitchatting.”

            However, as expected, Pearl was not so easily dissuaded from investigating. “Whatever you were discussing, it must have been pretty serious...” she observed, arms crossed. Just like before, Amethyst appeared the center of any suspicion, obviously the common source of mischief in her countless years of experience. “I sure hope there’s nothing troubling you.”

            This time, her turquoise gaze fell to Lapis, effectively setting her stolen heart galloping. It was clear that she sought the answer from her once more. It had been a habit of hers, taking time to gauge the well-being of her newest companions, especially her. Yet, despite the simplicity her question, this was a much more complicated ordeal, a matter of timing and opportunity.

            In short, Lapis Lazuli had a decision to make and about such a delicate matter. Would she seize the moment and attempt her luck, or bide her time and hope another opportunity such as this would present itself in the future? And all the while, those bright eyes bore into her, trusting and attentive, concealing aching wounds of old.

            It was now or never, she decided.

            “While it’s...sweet of you to be worried, it’s as Amethyst said,” she began, easing out of stumbling over her words as she gained momentum. “She was just telling me of old stories of your esteemed leader, the one who led the rebellion during the Great War.”

            Bewilderment washed over Pearl’s expression and, at a mild loss, she briefly glanced to Amethyst. “O-oh. You were...speaking of Rose. How...unexpected...” she stammered, backpedaling both verbally and physically. She then cleared her throat, regaining her composure. “N-not to be rude to either of you...but...if you wanted to hear about Rose Quartz, you’d be better off asking me. I _was_ her sole confidant after all.”

            The purple gem at her side snuck her a sly grin, a discreet compliment of her guile.

            “So I’ve been told...” she affirmed brightly, her hands folded in her lap. “Though you do raise an excellent point. If I am to learn, I might as well learn from the best.”

            That set the dancer blushing. “’The best’? I w-wouldn’t know about that...” she denied modestly with a bashful chuckle. “But I _am_ well-informed.”

            “Jeez, P. If you’re going to toot your own horn, could you do it somewhere else? You know, like...not here...” Amethyst complained dully. “Because that would be super.”

            The quartz’s change in attitude initially puzzled the blue gem, but she soon considered it may have very well been another attempt to assist her in her secret endeavor. Whether it was her intention or not, it was effective in ruffling her comrade’s feathers. She supposed she was fortunate the Crystal trio knew each other so thoroughly. It was certainly useful.

            Her reaction was none other than an upturned nose. “Hmph! I really wish you’d work on your manners, Amethyst,” she chided. “Shall we go, Miss Lazuli? I have an ideal location in mind for our discussion.”

            Her continued formality towards her was enough to make her cringe internally, though she recognized that the heartfelt politeness that was her simple aim. The water gem, however, retained hope for a future where such decorum would be left long unneeded, all but forgotten, between them. Nonetheless, the welcoming hand that she offered her was, for now, more than enough.

 

\--

 

            Alone together, the pair traversed the warp stream in dignified silence. Her guide had yet to release the exact location she had chosen, though there was no doubt she was about to be thoroughly educated on the matter of the Crystal Gem’s former leader. It would surely be an intriguing experience, an opportunity to uncover even more about the headstrong rebels she was now one of. And better still, this was the perfect chance to become closer to the gem she had grown particularly fond of.

            When it came down to it, however, this remained about Pearl and her well-being.

            The crackling of energy and light steadily drew to an end, as did their journey. Solidness met their feet, accepting their weight as gravity resumed its hold. A pristine night awaited them, the blackened sky sprinkled with stars which glistened and winked endlessly, as insects sung to them quietly.

            “Here we are,” Pearl declared, her voice carrying both pride and a self-consciousness, as she wandered from the warp pad.

            The water gem with her followed automatically, uncertain about where the other had taken her. It was apparent this was a significant site, but the reasoning behind it escaped her. It felt oddly familiar, though she couldn’t quite place her finger on it.

            Softly, her bare feet came down upon wild grass. Momentarily, she regarded it curiously before she lifted her gaze to observe her surroundings further. Green hills rolled around her, populated by bushes of sweet-smelling Earth fruit. It appeared nothing out of the ordinary for this planet, at least until the moon slid out of hiding, its pale glow illuminating an ancient battlefield.

            “This is...” Lapis Lazuli began, too dazed for words.

            “Where the final battle for Earth took place...” Pearl finished solemnly. “This is where the Crystal Gems made their stand and succeeded in winning Earth’s independence.”

            A chill seized her physical form. Beholding the weapons and shields which littered the vast field, discarded by gems long passed, she knew she was visiting an unmarked graveyard. Countless gems must have been shattered here, in the chaos of war, both Home World soldiers and Crystal Gem rebels alike. She knew she could only imagine the suffering and death these silent hills had witnessed.

            “...Why bring me _here_?”

            Surprised by the strain of discomfort in her guest’s voice, Pearl appeared to become uncertain. “Was...was this not appropriate? I apologize...” she muttered, averting her eyes as she clutched her arms. Absently, she strolled on and was faithfully followed. “This...just holds so many memories for me. Garnet isn’t fond of this place either, but...to me...I’ll always remember it as the battlefield where, under Rose Quartz’s flawless guidance, we triumphed against the odds. Nothing is impossible; I learned that here.”

            She supposed that, coming from a pearl, such sentiment would make sense. She was never meant to be a warrior, never mind a rebel solider, and yet she fought alongside her fellow gems and not only lived, but saw victory. She witnessed the forces of system that had once tried to keep her in chains, no matter how pretty or invisible, fall at her feet before the survivors made their final retreat, defeated.

            As if following her train of thought, the Crystal Gem broke their silence with a quite similar matter. “...So many times...they told me I couldn’t, that I would be nothing but a pearl. I couldn’t defy Home World, I couldn’t fight. I would never be my own gem...” she murmured, almost to herself, turquoise eyes downcast, overshadowed by her peach bangs. Then, abruptly shy, she brushed the offending locks away as she snuck her companion a glance, a modest smile on her lips. “I showed them, didn’t I? Five thousand years later and we still thrive, alongside the humans they saw as so insignificant. Our numbers may be few now, but we’re here, still here.”

            It was truly a sentimental victory, for those Home World once looked down upon as second-rate gems. As much as Lapis Lazuli had detested the war and those who had betrayed their people, she supposed it had all been for a noble cause. And, even now, the Crystal Gems appeared so happy with their alien home, though old wounds still festered.

“What about Rose Quartz, the gem who started it all? She was the one you truly fought for, was she not?” Lapis ventured, needling her way to the heart of Pearl’s. “It must be difficult to carry on without her. I heard you all held her very dear.”

The taller gem jerked to a stop, her head whipping around to regard her in bewilderment. “Well...I...” was her initial response, hasty and uncertain in quality. She then quieted down and fidgeted uneasily as she looked forward once more, visibly morose. “To be honest...I...don’t know how to feel about her anymore.”

Gingerly, Lapis grasped her white wrist, locking eyes with her as she led her to sit. Her chosen spot, at the foot of small hill, was overshadowed by a dark blade, a gorgeous amethyst snug between its blade and hilt; it almost seemed to watch over them as they settled. Even without words, her host appeared to understand her intentions, to listen and comfort, and allowed her close, trusting her in her time of turmoil.

A hand found its way to Pearl’s forehead, barely resting against her gem. “She...She was my everything, Lapis. When I was with her, nothing could be better; I was home,” she mused, her tone bittersweet as her voice strained with bubbling emotion. “Rose was...the first gem to ever believe I could be something...something more than someone’s fancy toy. She believed in me, protected me, loved me, and, in turn, taught me how to believe in myself. I don’t know where I would be now without her.”

Patiently, the blue gem waited at her side and, though she longed to comment, she said nothing; it wasn’t her place.

“I loved her for the longest time, so deeply it hurt. I would’ve given everything for her, everything and anything, and...for a while...I did,” she continued quietly, her hand clutching the yellow of her pants. “In battle, I threw myself before her enemies, and in peace, I put her happiness before my own. It...troubled her, but I would not stop; she was too important.”

            Word by word, a clearer picture of Pearl’s relationship with her late commander formed in her mind, but also of the scars Home World’s reign had left seared into her heart. Her bond with Rose Quartz had been forged of trust and respect, of love, but even that could not erase a former life as a mere possession; it had been too engrained, perhaps even into her very being.

            Suddenly, their home planet’s ancient ways seemed defective, rather than the rebel pearl who now poured out her unspoken heartache; it pleaded for repair.

            Lapis paused for a moment, deep in thought, before at last speaking. “Did you...ever consider that she felt the same about you? I’m certain you were just as important to her,” she reasoned softly, as though speaking to a sorrowful child. “Seeing you throw your safety to the wayside, your happiness, for her sake, must have been difficult for her to bear.”

            “...Is that why she never loved me the way I loved her? ...Is that why she left us?” Those questions were spoken so quietly, Lapis almost misjudged them as figments of her imagination. “...Is that why she chose a human over me, even after all I had done for her?”

            Unprepared for the heaviness that was abruptly upon her to answer for, the water gem briefly faltered in her confidence. For a few seconds, she wished she had bitten her tongue and left this matter to someone who was more qualified to give this heartbroken soul the support she truly deserved. However, leaving her now, when she was so very vulnerable and shaken, was out of the question. She needed someone and needed someone _now_ , and that someone was her.

            Inhaling deeply, Lapis braced herself. “To be honest, Pearl...I don’t have those answers for you. Those are questions only Rose Quartz herself can answer,” she admitted, placing a tentative hand on her leg as she peered over at her intently, her eyes bright with compassion. “What I _can_ tell you, however, is that she loved you very much, even if it wasn’t in the same way. There’s a good chance...that she wanted you to heal and to grow, and you couldn’t do that while so reliant on her. She...probably knew that well.”

            Pearl’s eyes were wide now, brimming with wetness; she looked so lost, so small. “A-are you suggesting...that she left because of _me_?” She sounded on the brink of tears. A tiny sob escaped her as she covered her mouth. “I...I wasn’t strong enough. I wasn’t healing. I drove her away...”

            Distraught by her reaction, Lapis was quick to grab her arm, snatching her focus back her way. “No! No, Pearl, it wasn’t your fault! That’s not what I’m saying!” she argued desperately, willing her guilt away with the intensity of her earnest gaze. “She only wanted the best for you, I’m sure, the best for everyone. I may not know the exact details of Steven’s creation, but...oh, please don’t blame yourself. She just wanted the best for you. She wanted you to be happy...and you weren’t...at least as happy as you could’ve been, without her, as your own gem.”

            Despite her best efforts, the tears spilt. “Without her? Why would I ever want to live without her? I loved her so much...” the pearl lamented, her physical form beginning to quake as she wept. “She _was_ my happiness. She was my reason for...everything. And now she’s gone, but...I’m still here. Why couldn’t she have taken me with her?”

            “...You don’t mean that.”

            Her automatic disagreement quickly struck a chord in her host, only upsetting her all the more. “What do you know!” protested the pale gem with sudden venom. She appeared to regret it, however, when Lapis recoiled at her tone, jerking back as though she had been bitten. “Oh...Lapis...I...I’m so sorry. I didn’t...I know you’re just trying to he—“

            Her apology was halted at the sight of the fluid emotion that welled in Lazuli’s blue eyes and, for a moment, her panic visibly tripled, paired with horrid confusion. Perhaps it was in disbelief that she had drawn such a reaction from her more cool-natured comrade. Lapis, however, was far from cross or wounded by her fleeting harshness, but more-so overwhelmed by the way she thrashed, both verbally and mentally, against the confines of her personal cell that she had long been entrapped within. She _wanted_ to escape, she _wanted_ to soothe the ageless hurt which troubled her every waking day, but she just wasn’t sure how.

            In fact, it reminded the blue gem all too much of her own imprisonment; she had screamed, silently, much like this pearl did now, and no one seemed to hear. There was one important difference however. She wasn’t alone; she had her and would scream no longer.

            Tender with sympathy, Lapis urged the other into a heartfelt embrace. “Please don’t fret, my darling Pearl.  You’ve come so far already; I believe Rose would be proud of you,” she hushed lovingly, meaning every word. “But most of all, you aren’t alone in this, not anymore. I’ll be here with you. I promise.”

            The slender gem was stiff with bewilderment, before she eventually caved, slumping against her, holding onto her as if she would drift away without her. “...T-thank you, Lapis. T-thank you...so much...” she sniffled, burying her face in the crook of her cool neck. Wetness gradually escaped her eyes, tightly shut as she shook slightly, to grace the skin of her shoulder. “...Do you really think she’s proud of me? I never meant to be so reliant on her. I just...It was all I knew.”

            “Absolutely,” affirmed the water gem, her voice bright and comforting as her delicate fingers carded soothingly through peach hair. “I imagine...it hasn’t been easy, but...you’re getting there. I can see that clearly. Just one step at a time. You’re more than worth it.”

            Pearl eased away at that, her eyes wide with wonder. For a moment, Lazuli feared her last words had overstepped a boundary with their current relationship, but never lost the friendly glint as she gazed back at her softly. To her relief and joy, the pearl instead beamed, lifting a hand to clumsily wipe away excessive tears.

            “I...I am...aren’t I?”

            Those words were music to her ears, that smile a thing of beauty; she wanted more. Seizing opportunity, she worked her magic, grasping the silvery droplets and manipulating them into much more. She focused on them intently, never losing her own smirk, especially as her love watched on with awe. Finally, they sprouted wings and took flight, fluttering away as liquid butterflies that raced for the horizon.

            Dazed speechless, Pearl observed them at her side, her attention entrapped in amazement. Then, she shifted, resting against the sorceress contently, her head against hers as they gazed up at the stars. Not a sound was uttered further. Tonight, the other’s presence, warm and unconditional like home, was all they needed.

            At peace, they drifted off as one, basking in the glow of the moon.


End file.
